Weekend Update Chloe Fineman on The 2020 Oscars

Colin Jost

Chloe Fineman

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Well, the Oscars are this Sunday. Here to comment is our own, Chloe Fineman.

[Chloe Fineman slides in] [cheers and applause]

Chloe Fineman: Woo! So happy to be here, Colin.

Colin Jost: We’re so happy to have you. So, I hear you’re pretty pumped for the Oscars this year.

Chloe Fineman: You bet. I love the Oscars. [Cut to Chloe Fineman] It is my favorite holiday. I am just such a huge fan of all the actresses nominated this year. And I have learnt so much from studying their performances.

[Cut to Chloe Fineman and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Great! Would you mind sharing some of what you learned?

Chloe Fineman: Sure! Um, so let’s start with my favorite technique which is something that I like to call ‘steering wheel acting’.

Colin Jost: Steering? What’s that?

Chloe Fineman: You’ve seen it. It’s the scene in every Oscar movie where a broken woman is [sobbing] finally alone in her car [Cut to Chloe Fineman] and just let’s all go like… [starts acting like she’s crying in the car, hitting the steering wheel.] [Cut to Chloe Fineman and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Um, yeah. And is she laughing or crying?

Chloe Fineman: Neither. She is acting!

Colin Jost: Great! And can I ask, what are some examples in this year’s nominated films?

Chloe Fineman: Um, okay, [Cut to Chloe Fineman] well there was Martha, the virtuous nurse in Knives Out. [Chloe Fineman is doing steering wheel acting again] Oh, the knives! The knives! They were all out. They were all out!

[Cut to Chloe Fineman and Colin Jost]

And in Judy, Renée Zellweger broke from the form with some back seat acting.

[Cut to Chloe Fineman. She is doing the acting.]

Driver darling. Driver darling, pull over. I can’t see my mouth. It’s dry. Cling, cling, cling, went the trolley.

[Cut to Chloe Fineman and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Wow. Wow. Now, I’m curious, what about the film like Little Women? Because they didn’t have cars back then?

Chloe Fineman: Oh, no steering wheel? An actor’s nightmare! [Cut to Chloe Fineman] Fortunately, the cast of Little Women broke out an ancient technique called ‘buggy acting’.

[Cut to Chloe Fineman and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Oh.

Chloe Fineman: For example, Saoirse Ronan. [Chloe Fineman starts acting] Women have hearts and minds as well as souls. And I’m just so sick of being told otherwise.

And then Timothée Chalamet is like…

[Chloe Fineman starts acting] Wait! I’ve loved you my whole life because of your heart and your mind as well as your beautiful body. Ha-ha-ha. La-la-la-la.

[Cut to Chloe Fineman and Colin Jost]

And then, Meryl Streep is like, watching the whole thing like…

[Chloe Fineman starts acting] Oh, well, you know. Oh, well, you know. These young actors are just utterly delicious. Florence Pugh!

[Cut to Chloe Fineman and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: And I’m curious. Were there any non-vehicle performances that stuck with you?

Chloe Fineman: Oh, yeah. [Cut to Chloe Fineman] Yes. Marriage story taught me a lot about teacup acting. It’s like when Scarjo is like…

[starts acting] So, I saw Charlie in this play. And he was this big bear. Do you feel like you’re at home, Colin?

[Cut to Chloe Fineman and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: I don’t. No. You don’t have to… You don’t have to do that. Thanks. It’s really good. Thank you.

Chloe Fineman: And then Laura turns like…

[starts acting] The babysitter? The babysitter? I will not, not be rich.

[Cut to Chloe Fineman and Colin Jost] [cheers and applause]

Colin Jost: I believe that was from Big Little Lies. Which is TV.

Chloe Fineman: No, Colin. It’s the Oscars.

Colin Jost: Chloe Fineman, everyone!

Chloe Fineman: [honking] Peep peep!

[cheers and applause]