Donald Trump Jr…….Mikey Day[Starting the news with Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Now, with midterm elections a little over a month away, many Republicans are turning to the Trump name to help bolster their campaigns. Here to comment are first sons Eric and Donald Trump Jr.[Camera slides to Eric and Donald Trump Jr.]
Donald Trump Jr.: Thank you, Colin. It’s good to be back here at SNL, Saturday Night Liberals. Haha… [Eric leans towards Colin laughing] Okay, that’s
Colin Jost: How were your summers, guys?
Donald Trump Jr.: Ooh, busy. For me it was running the Trump Organization, breaking ground on a new Trump Property–
Eric: And I had swim lessons.
Donald Trump Jr.: Yeah. Someone got his ducky badge.[Cut to Eric showing his ducky badge under his jacket collar]
Yeah, baby. Yeah.[Cut to Eric and Donald Trump Jr., Eric very proud]
No longer a tadpole bud. But midterms– midterms are next month, and that’s why my father has called for all Trump hands on deck. He asked me to stump for Republicans on the campaign drill.
Eric: And he asked me not to do that.[Mimicking President Donal Trump] “Stay home, Eric.”
Donald Trump Jr.: Yeah, that’s right bud. You get to stay home and watch all the action on TV. Right? Fist bump, blow it up. Boom.
Eric: Ah! [Scared]
Donald Trump Jr.: Oh. It’s not a real explosion, just made a noise with my mouth. All right buddy? [Eric looks at Donald’s hand in a distrustful manner] It’s not magic in any way. It’s just a fist bud. Look, my father’s confident that supposed blue wave isn’t making landfall anytime soon, which I’m sure makes everyone sad here at SNL, Saturday Night Liberals– I’m sorry I’m teasing. [Cut to Eric, Donald, and Colin] I had to do it again. What do you do? Hey, we’re on fire. Maybe we should take over for Jost and Che buddy. I got some jokes I can tell.
Eric: Me too. What do the gay black jews–
Donald Trump Jr.: No, don’t tell them. No! You can’t tell that joke.
Eric: But dad does.
Donald Trump Jr.: No, he does not. No, he does not.
Eric: Yeah. He does. And he does all the voices.
Donald Trump Jr.: Respectfully. He does a very respectful gay voice.
Colin: [Cut to Colin, Eric, and Donald] I’m sure, yes. Now this week, the New York Times reported that President Trump set up Sham Corporations to disguise millions in gifts from his father to avoid taxes.
Donald Trump Jr.: Look, okay, yes. [Cut to Eric and Donald] Our grandfather gave our father gifts over the years, but it wasn’t to avoid taxes. It was to–
Eric: Evade taxes.
Donald Trump Jr.: No Eric. You want to play with your puppet? Got him a puppet. Here you go bud.
Colin: Oh, that’s great.
Donald Trump Jr.: Play with that. Collin, when the left is backed into a corner– don’t just stare at it. Don’t know how a puppet works? Look! Look, put your hand in here, right? Then you can make the mouth move. Look, [speaking as the puppet] “Hello Eric, I’m King funny face.”
Eric: Damn, he knows my name.
Donald Trump Jr.: [speaking as the puppet] Yes. Everyone knows Eric’s name. He’s such a good boy.
Eric: Where do you live?
Donald Trump Jr.: [speaking as the puppet] Oh, I live in a castle.
Eric: I live in a tower.
Donald Trump Jr.: [speaking as the puppet] Oh.
Eric: King, can I ask you a question?
Donald Trump Jr.: [speaking as the puppet] Um-hmm.
Eric: What did the gay black jew–
Donald Trump Jr.: No, okay. We’re done. Thank you, pal.
Colin: [Cut to Colin, Eric, and Donald] Eric and Donald Trump Jr. everyone. Thank you so much.