Katie… Lauren Holt
Dad.. Beck Bennett
Mom… Melissa Villaseñor
Sue… Kristen Wiig
Grandpa… Alex Moffat
[Starts with Katie getting in the home]
Katie: Hello, is the coast clear? Anybody home?
Dad: Katie, sweetheart!
Punkie: Oh my god. Wait, Katie’s here? I thought you said you couldn’t come home for Christmas. That’s why grandpa’s been so depressed all waek.
Katie: I know. But since I’m a nurse, I was able to get the vaccine. So, I drove all night and dad and I cooked up the surprise.
Sue: [getting excited] Oh my god.
Dad: Yeah. We’re going to do it as soon as he gets home.
Sue: [getting too excited] My god! A surprise? Tonight?
Dad: Yes, Sue. Dad thinks it’s just us for dinner as usual.
Sue: Oh my god! And Katie’s here! With her antibodies?
Katie: I can see that Sue is glad to be a part of this.
Sue: I’m sorry. I love surprises. I’m so excited to see this freaking happen. God, he doesn’t know?
Katie: So, where is Pops now?
Dad: Okay. So, I didn’t know how to get him out of the house. So, I told him to finally take his coins to Coinstar.
Punkie: Should we have Katie hide behind the tree when he gets here?
Sue: [yelling] Yes!
Mom: Sue! Sue! We’re gonna have to keep this a secret when pops gets here. I hope you can keep it together and don’t ruin the surprise.
Katie: Sue? What are you doing?
Sue: [Sue is pulling off her sweater and covering her face] I’m so hot! I’m so freaking excited!
Punkie: Sue! Put your shirt back on.
Sue: He’s going to walk in here with his coin credit. And she’s going to come out from behind the tree. And we all know.
Dad: Yeah. Well, that’s what we’re hoping for.
Mom: Okay. So, how long do you think we have until pops–
Sue: I’m sorry. Oh god! I’m going to have some of this jello. I gotta eat sugar. Gelatin. I’m freaking going to pass out. Oh god.
Dad: Okay. Well, what if I play “I’ll be home for Christmas” when he comes in?
Katie: I love that idea. Sue?
[Sue had her head inside jello]
Punkie: Sue! You have to get yourself together. Katie traveled a long way. You’re going to ruin the surprise!
Sue: I’m sorry. Yes. I think if we just had a practice round, I’d feel better.
Dad: Oh, yes. That’s actually really good idea. Katie, go behind the tree.
Katie: You got it.
Mom: I’m on the music.
Dad: Okay. Now, everyone act natural. I’m dad. I’m coming home from Coinstar. I don’t expect anything because everyone’s acting normal and then Katie jumps out and says–
[Katie walks out from behind the tree. But Sue runs in and pushes Katie away.]
Sue: [shouting] Surprise!
Punkie: Oh my god! Sue! You knocked Katie on to the floor. [to Katie] Are you okay?
Katie: It’s fine. I just landed where I got my shot.
Dad: Oh my gosh. Dad’s back. This is it.
Mom: Okay Katie, hide. Everyone else, act natural. Sue, stay over there and don’t say a word.
[Grandpa walks in]
Dad: Hey, hey, dad!
Grandpa: Oh, good. Everyone’s together. Well, that’s great. But gosh, I just still wish Katie was here.
Mom: Yeah. We wish Katie were here too. Right guys?
Dad: Yeah. Sure do, dad.
Punkie: Maybe next year.
[Sue has Christmas socks inside her mouth.]
Grandpa: What’s going on with Sue? Everyone’s acting weird.
[Sue is moving around not being able to keep the secret]
Sue: Someone’s upstairs.
Sue: No one! Who? A girl. No. She traveled. What? Yes. Oh. Stop. God! You thought she wasn’t coming. Who? Her. She got here. Pfizer. What? Oh god. You’re going to be surprised! Oh god. Here it comes. Oh god. Here it comes.
Dad: Stop. Don’t say it. Sue!
[Sue runs out through the window breaking it.]
Grandpa: Good lord. What on earth? Did Sue just punch through the window and jump outside?
[Katie walks out]
Katie: Hi, pops.
Katie: It was supposed to be a surprise.
Grandpa: Katie, you made it. This makes everything all better.
Mom: Oh, come on, everybody. Let’s eat. I have ham in the oven.
Sue: Ham? [Sue jumps in through the chimney] I love ham for Christmas!
[Sue holds the Christmas tree and pulls it out through the broken window]
Dad: My outdoor lights!