Halloween Gig: Season 44 Episode 3

Trese Henderson (Singer)…..Kenan Thompson

Jenks (Electric Piccolo)…..Seth Meyers

Brad Dates (Keyboardist)…..Kyle Mooney

Audience 1…..Chris Redd

Audience 2…..Leslie Jones

[ Image of the outside of a Residence Inn Marriott. ] [ Cut to the inside of presentation room inside the hotel. There is a band on stage, one man is playing the keyboard, another is playing the flute, and the third is in the middle singing on the microphone. There are pumpkins decorating the set. ]

Trese: [ Music is playing. ] Yes, I will ignore. Yes, thank you very much. Hello, Kingston residents in the Marriott. Once again I am Trese Henderson, and this is the Trese Henderson Trio. We are moments away from announcing the winners of the adult Halloween Costume Contest. [ Cut to the audience of the band sitting at three tables in costumes. ] For adults only. [ Cut back to the band. ] But first, let’s get back to the show! [ The band starts to play music, again. ] Tweedle-de-dee Tweedle-de-snatch Tweedle-de-snacks inside the pumpkin. [ Intense short piccolo solo. Music ends. ] Ladies and gentlemen, I could not stand up here in front of you tonight without the amazing little babies you see behind me. Brad Dates on keyboard.

Brad: 100% Tres! [ Short keyboard solo. ]

Trese: I told you! And our newest edition Mr. Jenks on the electric piccolo.

Jenks: Watch me fly, Trese! [ Short piccolo solo. The piccolo zaps him. ] Ooh, ooh, ooooooh! I got a little shock.

Trese: From the electricity in your piccolo?

Jenks: That would be my guess, Trese.

Trese: Wow! Well this week went from bad to worst for you, didn’t it?

Jenks: Oh I’m fine.

Trese: You were sad in the car.

Jenks: I was quiet.

Trese: I think you were sad. Is is about that thing?

Jenks: I don’t want to talk about it here.

Trese: The thing, that the doctor said he thought you had.

Brad: That’s personal, Trese.

Jenks: Seriously, you don’t need to worry about it.

Trese: Well, as your roommate, I think I do. Because we use the same washcloths.

Jenks: Drop it!

Trese: Fine!

[ The band begins to play music, again. ]

Trese: Tweedle-de-dee. Tweedle-de-pop. Tweedle-de-candle inside the pumpkin top. [ The music ends. ] Alright, how is everybody feeling tonight?

[ Cut to the two audience members sitting at the center table up front. ]

Audience 2: Confused. What’s going on with your piccolo player.

Audience 1: Yeah, we have some theories on what’s going on. I think he has athlete’s foot.

Audience 2: I think he got panty crickets.

[ Cut back to the band on stage. ]

Trese: Did you hear that Jenk’s? We are all wondering if you have panty crickets? People care. Open up.

Jenks: Let’s just do the gig, and not worry the people.

Brad: Respect his boundaries, Trese.

Trese: I am just trying to help. My intentions are pure.

[ The band begins to play, again. ]

Trese: Tweedle-de-north. Tweedle-de-south. What did the pumpkin say out his Halloween mouth? [ The music ends. His phone rings. ] Oh, I’m getting a phone call. [He answers his cell phone. ] Kingston medical? Yes, hello. Yes, this is Trese. Yes, I’m with him right now. Jenks, it’s your doctor.

Jenks: Well, you’re my emergency contact.

Trese: Aww, that’s sweet.

Jenks: Can I talk to them?

Trese: Well, who’s stopping ya?

Jenks: Okay, so I do have it. How’d I get it? But, I never touched one of those. Oh, I did lick it. Of course, I have clothes. Get rid of them? What about my roommates clothes? So we need to rid of his, as well?

Trese: Even my Gucci shoes?! Ask the doctor if shoes are clothes.

Jenks: He said everything.

Trese: Not my Gucci shoes! But does he know that the shoes are Gucci?

Jenks: He heard you, and he said, ‘yes.’

Trese: Oh my Gucci shoes! I have to throw them away because of your panty crickets?

Jenks: I’m so sorry Trese. I know how much you love your Gucci shoes.

Trese: Yes Jenks. They were my friends. Tell that to my Gucci shoe.

[ The music begins again. ]

Trese: Tweedle-de-dee. Tweedle-de-twop. Tweedle-de-pumpkin from the tree top! [ The music ends. ]

Cuban Vacation: Season 44 Episode 3

Reynolds…..Seth Meyers

Deidre…..Heidi Gardner

Man 1…..Kenan Thompson

Woman 1…..Aidy Bryant

Woman 2…..Melissa Villaseñor

Man 2…..Beck Bennett

Restaurant Manager…..Kate McKinnon

[ Image of the outside of a restaurant. ] [ Cut to a table of 6 inside the restaurant. 2 of the seats remain empty, while the other 4 have two couples seated at them. ]

Woman 1: Should we just go? I mean they’re not here yet.

Woman 2: Good thing we ate.

Man 2: They keep texting me that they’re just around the corner.

Man 1: Well, they’ve been around the corner for the past three hours.

Woman 2: There they are.

Woman 1: Deidre, Reynolds, you guys made it. [ Deidre and Reynolds enter the room and sit at the table. Reynolds mutters, “Hi, oh hi you guys.” ] We were getting worried.

Deidre: Oh my God. Is it 11:43 pm?

Man 1: Yes it is. We already ate, and this place is about to close.

Deidre: Oh, I’m sorry. We just got back from Coo-ba yesterday.

Reynolds: We’re jet-lagged from the Coo-ba flight.

Deidre: Yeah.

Woman 2: The Cuba? How long is that flight?

Woman 1: Yeah, because we are in Florida.

Man 2: Yeah isn’t that like the same time zone?

Deidre: Again, yeah, I’m sorry, but we are on Coo-ban time.

Reynolds: Yeah.

Man 1: Okay, so the same time?

Woman 2: So, did you guys have fun?

Reynolds: Mmhmm.

Deidre: Uhh.

Reynolds: Mmm.

Deidre: Uhh.

Reynolds: Mmm.

[ Deidre giggles. ]

Deidre: Fun? I mean everything is a party in C00-ba.

Reynolds: Coo-ba is alive with music and color and wild women in the streets.

Deidre: Oh, I mean, you know. They’re poor, but they’ve got rhythm. [She starts to move her shoulders and dance in her chair. ] And they dance. [ Reynolds makes a sound of agreement. ] Oooh.

Reynolds: And all. It’s so wonderful. All the Coo-ban children, they love to smoke. [ He motions smoking with his hands. Deidre then also motions smoking with her hands and mouth. ]

Deidre: And you know what, they look so cool doing it. You know just leaned up against saturated pastel shops. [ Deidre and Reynolds go back to back and continue to motion smoking with their hands and mouth. ] Smoking.

Man 2: Should we call it a night?

Woman 1: Yeah, yeah. The wait staff is giving us that look of ‘get out of here.’

Reynolds: Awww, but we’re just getting to the best part, baby.

Deidre: Yeah, okay, so. On our last night in Habana.

Reynolds: Ha-vah-nah. That’s in Coo-ba by the way.

Deidre: Yes. So there was this wild Coo-ban man, and he was waving to me [ She motions ‘come here’ with her hand. ] Like this.

Reynolds: Like that.

Deidre: And you know, this [ She continues to motion with her hand. ] means the same thing in Coo-ba as it does here. [ She keeps motioning. ] This.

Man 1: Come here? Yeah, I imagine that’s pretty standard worldwide.

Woman 2: Seriously, we should go. You know the kids they have to wake up early.

Reynolds: Just one sec, because you’re going to want to hear what we did. It was so fiercely Coo-ban.

Deidre: Alright, so it turns out, we went to this authentic Coo-ban rooster competition.

Reynolds: Yeah.

Man 2: A rooster competition?

Waitress: hey guys

Reynolds: Yes, a rooster competition. Like a beauty pageant. All these wild Coo-bans just throwing money [ Reynolds and Deidre begin to motion throwing money with their hands. ] throwing money. Just throwing it, at male chickens.

Deidre: Oh, and they sat us in the front. In front of this little dirt circle pit. Yeah, because I think they thought Reynold was Kiefer Sutherland.

Reynolds: I knew they thought it, but I wasn’t telling them any different because to the best seats for this rooster competition.

Woman 1: Yeah, are you sure you weren’t sitting front row at a cock fight?

Deidre: Umm?

Reynolds: I think we would know if we were a cock fight baby.

Deidre: Yeah, I mean the two roosters were definitely enemies. But, it felt more like a dance. [ She begins to dance with her shoulders again. ] You know, like a real bird Kabuki.

Reynolds: Yeah, I mean feathers were flying and I may be wrong because I have a low IQ. [ Deidre points to Reynolds and nods her head in agreement. ] But it felt very planned.

Man 2: You guys were definitely at a cockfight.

Reynolds: We were not. We were at a Coo-ban rooster review.

Man 1: But was there a dead rooster at the end of it?

Deidre: No.

Reynolds: No.

Deidre: No, I mean, there was one rooster who was obviously like ‘I’m out.’

Reynolds: Yes.

Deidre: He’s done.

Reynolds: I mean if anything it was the end of a very long day for that rooster.

Deidre: You know, cause, it’s hot. Cause it’s Coo-ba.

Reynolds: It’s Coo-ba.

Deidre: And it’s a Coo-ban sun.

Reynolds: Coo-ban sun.

Deidre: And the rooster just laid down and was like, ‘I’m done.’

[ The restaurant manager walks over to the table of couples. ]

Manager: Hey guys. I’m the manager here.

Woman 1: We are leaving.

Manager: Good, cause the kitchen’s closed. So…

Reynolds: How ‘bout the bar?

Manager: I can get you drink, but you do have to promise to stop saying Coo-ba.

Reynolds: Okay fine, baby.

Deidre: I would like a gin on the rocks with one coob.

Reynolds: And I’ll have one coob in a mo-gee-toe.

Deidre: Get out.

Reynolds: Okay.

Manager: Just you two, get out.

Deidre: Alright.