Benihana | Season 44 Episode 4

Adam Grossman…..Jonah Hill

Miss Lilly…..Leslie Jones

Tony…..Kenan Thompson

Jake…..Mikey Day

Waitress…..Kate McKinnon

Chef Gayle…..Heidi Gardner

[ Outside of a Benihana restaurant. ] [ Cut to inside the Benihana Restaurant. Adam and Miss Lilly are seated at a teppan table with two other gentlemen, Jake and Tony. ]

Adam: Good evening fellas. Is this seat taken?

Tony: Um, no.

Adam: It’s a pleasure to join you both. My name is Adam Grossman, and I’m six years young. [ He holds up 6 fingers. ] And this is my very lovely and very single nanny, Miss Lilly. And she must be from Jamaica because she’s makin’ me go to bed at eight tonight! But I understand the decision; I’m six! [ He holds up 6 fingers again. ]

Miss Lilly: Hi. And I’m not from Jamaica.

Jake: Well, it’s very nice to meet you. Hello, my name is Jake, and this is Tony.

Adam: Well, well, well. There’s two of them Lil. I like your chances tonight. As for me, it looks like I’ll be spending another evening with my right hand and a sock. What, I’m making a sock pocket! I’m six years old. [ He holds up 6 fingers again. ]

Miss Lilly: Let’s just calm down, Adam.

Adam: I’m only joking. Sheesh. Talk about a wet blankie; I love you to death. But sometimes you’re about as fun as apple slices for dessert. I’m kidding. She’s good people. We spend a lot of time together since my parents ivorced-day.

Tony: Oh, I’m sorry.

Adam: No! Don’t feel bad for me. I’m getting every kid’s dream. Two Chanukahs!

Waitress: Can I get you folks something to drink?

Adam: A cup of joe for me, sweetheart, please. And I like my coffee like I like my nannies, black and bitter. I’m kidding. I’m six. [ He holds up 6 fingers. ] I’ll take my fruit punch, neat. Always get your drink neat here, they try to load you up on the ice so they can bone you on the punch. It’s a racket.

Miss Lilly: I’ll have a glass of wine, please.

Waitress: You bet.

Adam: Okay, so I guess I’m driving home. I’m joking. Everything’s irie mon, drink all the red stripe you want.

Miss Lilly: I am not from Jamaica.

Adam: [ He starts to sing. ] I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the dep. You’re giving me nothing here. It feels like pulling teeth without a string. How about some Chef tricks? That’ll lighten the mood. Where’s Sooshin?

[ Chef Gayle walks over to the teppan table which is covered with shrimps. She has two spatulas in her hands. ]

Chef Gayle: Hey, I’m sorry little guy. Sooshin’s not working tonight. Dude got fired for stealing beef. [ She knocks a shrimp on the ground. ] But, Gayle has got you covered. [ She tosses a shrimp at Jake with her spatula, he tries to catch it with his mouth, but it flies straight over his head. ] [ Jake and Tony lightly clap, Miss Lilly joins in. ]

Adam: Woof. No offense, Gayle. But I haven’t been this disappointed since I found out that there is a Santa Claus and he wants nothing to do with me. I guess we’ll have to settle for small talk, so you two fellas celebrating something?

Tony: Well, actually, yes.

Jake: We both just got engaged.

Adam: Oh, mazel! Here’s some marriage advice for ya. Don’t do it!!! I’m kidding; I’m six. [ He holds up 6 fingers. ] So what do I know? You’re both obviously a lot older than me. What are you, 11, 12?

Tony: I’m 37.

Adam: Wow, so I guess my next question is, what was Moses really like? I’m teasing! Hey, at least you’re not as old as Lilly here. You know her social security number is two!

Miss Lilly: Lord, help me. Help me.

Adam: No, really. Lilly is so old that in history class she just wrote down what she was doing.

Miss Lilly: Okay, Adam. Let’s just let the nice men enjoy their dinner, okay?

Adam: [ He sings really loud. ] One Love!!!! I’m kidding. Anyway, mazel on your engagement. I’m sure you’ll both marry two very lovely women. L’chaim.

Tony: Well, actually, we’re getting married to each other.

Adam: Okay. Record scratch. You’re doing what now?

Miss Lilly: I’m sorry, he’s probably just a little confused.

Adam: Ah! More like my mind is completely frickin’ blown! Two buddies getting married to each other, that’s genius! Wait till Eli here’s about this. He’s my best friend. We’ve been playdatin’ for years. And I love him dearly. Look he’s 3’5”, he’s got four teeth, he’s got the stickiest hands I’ve ever seen. But what can I say, I like to fix people.

Jake: That’s so cute.

Adam: Now, I gotta ask..who proposed to who? Cause I’m a top and Eli’s a bottom.

Miss Lilly: Adam!

Adam: Woah! I meant bunk beds. I’m six. [ He holds up 6 fingers. ] I don’t even understand that double entendre.

Tony: Okay, maybe we should explain.

Adam: Hold that thought. I want to hear everything. But unfortunately right I have to make bumps. And Lilly, your ring’s off this time, unless you gotta fish one loose again. [ Lilly takes off her ring. ]

Miss Lilly: Would you believe that I have a four-year degree?

Adam: I have no idea what that means, but [ He begins to sing. ] Redemption song!

Late Night Battle | Season 44 Episode 2

Dance Crew (Mikey Day, Ego Nwodim, Chris Redd, Kate McKinnon)

Rival group (Awkwafina, Leslie Jones, Kenan Thompson)

[Starting at the street at night]

Ego Nwodim: Yo, where the hell are they?

Mikey Day: Looks like Tiny Bigs and her crew are just a bunch of no shows.

Chris Redd: Yeah man, let’s dip. Yeah.

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny on nerdy outfit coming to challenge them with her two friends]Wait, wait, wait. Hold up, hold up. You guys already scurred?

Leslie: They better be. We the Tiny Big crews after all.

Fontein Jackson: And we came to slay.

Tiny: Yeah, they’re going to die tonight.

Chris Redd: Yo, why don’t you say that to my face?

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] I just did dumb ass, your face was there.

Mikey Day: [Cut to Mikey Day and Chris Redd] Yo, Baby Teeth, tell him the rules.

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] What kind of name is baby teeth, dude?

Baby Teeth: [Cut to Baby Teeth and Ego Nwodim] I got one baby tooth and it ain’t going nowhere.

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] Respect, respect.

Baby Teeth: [Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd] You know the rules, typical dance battle. We dance, you dance. We win, you go home crying.

Fontein Jackson: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie, Fontein Jackson flipping his knife] You sure about that?

Tiny: Hey, hey, hey, put that away, Fontein Jackson. We don’t need knives. We’ll slice them up with our dance moves.

Mikey Day: [Cut to Mikey Day and Chris Redd] You wish. Let’s get it.

[Chris Redd starts music on a boombox player and starts the dance battle, ends the dance with a Fortnite move and a dab]

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] Okay, so at that level. All right. Prepare to be served.

Leslie: Yeah, get ready for this three-course meal.

Fontein Jackson: Yeah, complete with Amuse-bouche!

Tiny: Let’s get that ahead.

[Fontein Jackson starts their boombox music player playing old music and dance funnily, ending with a dab]

Chris Redd: Did ya’ll just bust moves to ‘the price is right’ thing?

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] Yeah, hell yeah we did.

Fontein Jackson: Yeah, because we winners.

Leslie: Like on the game show.

Tiny: Jealous?

Baby Teeth: [Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd] I mean it made sense to me, but I’m stupid.

Mikey Day: Trying to confuse us, throw us off our game.

Ego Nwodim: Yeah, Tiny Bigs is notorious for that.

Mikey Day: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We jut got to bring it. Yo, come on. Some freestyle.

[Chris Redd plays the music and carries on the dance battle] [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie]

Fontein Jackson: You see that Tiny?

Tiny: I did Fontein Jackson. That was what you call some weak sauce.

Fontein Jackson: Yeah, like a watery ass marinara.

Leslie: Or even alfredo.

Tiny: Let’s show them how to thicken it up. Choke on this!

[Fontein Jackson starts their boombox music player playing old music and dance funnily] [Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd]

Ego Nwodim: Was that a wrong answer side effect at the end?

Chris Redd: It sure was, and it only punctuated how next level they are.

Baby Teeth: Guys they’re raising the bar. We got to be twice as good.

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] Good luck with that because we brought a secret weapon.

Fontein Jackson: Yeah. Little Bang Bang! Get down here.

[Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd, confused]

Chris Redd: Wait, Little Bang Bang?

Baby Teeth: He was a backup dancer on the 2014 Mariah Carey tour.

Little Bang Bang: Yeah! [Cut to Travis Scott as Little Bang Bang joins the team] All right. It’s time to end this. But first, I want to be clear with you all. You all corny.

[Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd, confused]

Chris Redd: Corny?

Ego Nwodim: What?

Mikey Day: Band Bang Yo!

Baby Teeth: You don’t stand a chance.

[Cut to Tiny, Little Bang Bang, Fontein Jackson, and Leslie]

Little Bang Bang: Hit it.

[Fontein Jackson plays baby music that Little Bang Bang dances to]

Leslie: How are you all going to respond to that?

[Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd, confused]

Mikey Day: Yo, how can we?

Tiny: Looks like we won. Boom! Boom!

Chris Redd: Yeah, yeah. That’s undeniable.

Fontein Jackson: You know what? Why don’t we all just kick it together?