Disney | Season 44 Episode 6

Dad….Steve Carell

Son 1….Mikey Day

Daughter 1….Melissa Villaseñor

Son 2….Pete Davidson

Daughter 2….Aidy Bryant

[Four kids are sleeping. Dad turns on the light and wakes them up.]

Dad: Kids, kids, wake up. I have a big news.

Son 1: Dad, it’s in five o’clock in the morning.

Daughter 1: Why is dad in here?

Dad: [Cut to dad] Because it’s time for you to pack your bags. We’re going to Disney World.

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] Disney world?

Daughter 2: Yes, that’s so nice, but you don’t have to cheer us up. We already know that mom’s leaving you.

Dad: [Cut to dad] She what?

Son 2: [Cut to dad and two sons] Don’t worry.

Son 1: Yeah, we’re fine with it.

Dad: What are you talking about?

Son 1: [Cut to son 1] My god, does he not know?

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2] No, no, no. He has to know.

Son 2: [Cut to dad and two sons] He’d be idiot if he didn’t know.

Daughter 1: The whole town knows. [Cut to Daughter 1] It’s in the newspaper.

Son 1: The messed-up part is dad is the one who introduced each of them to one another?

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Introduced who? What’s happening? [Cut to everybody in the room]

Son 1: No, is our dad dumb?

Son 2: Yeah.

Daughter 2: He didn’t even notice when the cat ran away, we replaced it with a dog.

Dad: You what? My cat?

Daughter 1: What is wrong with him?

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Okay, enough. Have some respect. I am your father.

Son 1: [Cut to Dad and two sons] I mean, not technically.

Dad: What does that mean?

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2] I mean, how can we know all of this and our dad has no idea.

Son 2: [Cut to Dad and two sons] You mean your dad!

Dad: [Cut to Dad] All right, how about this. Why don’t you tell me what the hell is going on here and I will still take you to Disney world.

Son 1: [Cut to Son 1]We were just at Disney world.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] You were?

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2]Yeah, for Jeremy’s birthday.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Jeremy?

Son 2: [Cut to Jeremy] Me. Does he not know our names?

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Wait, wait, if you were at Disney, where was I?

Son 2: [Cut to Dad and two sons] We assumed you were coming but then we realized mom didn’t invite you.

Daughter 2: [Cut to two daughters] Yeah, and we were like why are we at Disney World with dad’s boss?

Son 2: Yeah, is dad as boss, [Cut to Son 2] Ron going to be with us the whole trip?

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] It was pretty clear he and mom were sleeping together.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Oh, I’m so confused, I can scream right now.

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] Actually, why are we whispering?

Dad: I don’t want to [Cut to Dad] wake up your mother.

Son 1: [Cut to Dad and two sons] Dad, she’s definitely not here.

Dad: What?

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] Yeah, she’s been gone or a month. She lives in Arizona with Ron and in four days, so will we.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Oh, I’d love to go too, Arizona. I’ve never seen the ocean.

[Cut to Son 1 looking confused]

Son 1: Dad, and I mean this, what the hell is wrong with you?

Dad: [Cut to Dad and two sons] Okay, okay. Listen, [Dad walks up to Jeremy and sits beside him] I have something, I want to tell you guys. Things haven’t been going well with your mom.

Son 2: Jesus, dad.

Dad: I think she might be cheating on me.

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2] I can’t do this again.

Dad: [Cut to Dad and Jeremy] Maybe with my friend Dave.

Son 2: It’s [Cut to everybody in the room] Ron!

Dad: But I’m giving up because you kids are four miracles. You’re my miracles. [Cut to Dad and Jeremy] Especially since your mother and I have only done it twice.

Son 2: All right, dad, I think that’s enough.

Dad: Okay, you’re right. All right. [Cut to everybody in the room] I’m going to bed. I have a big day today. Gonna surprise my kids with a trip to Disney.

Political Musical | Season 44 Episode 4

Announcer…..Darrell Hammond

Performer 1…..Aidy Bryant

Performer 2…..Kate McKinnon

Performer 3…..Kyle Mooney

Audience 1…..Beck Bennett

Performer 4…..Melissa Villaseñor

Audience 2…..Chris Redd

Performer 5: Alex Moffat

Audience 3…..Heidi Gardner

Audience 4…..Mikey Day

[ Images of Broadway in NYC. ]

Announcer: It’s New York City, and Broadway’s the place to be. But why not go off-Broadway where they’re not afraid to go there. [ Cut to a screen that reads “Not afraid to GO THERE.”] Introducing ‘Divided We Stand.’ [ Cut to the outside of a theatre with ‘Divider We Stand’ on the marquee. ] A new musical [ Cut to the stage where the performers are ending a song. ] that dives head first into our current political climate.

[ Cut to Performer 1 walking onto the stage holding a suitcase and shawl around herself. ]

Performer 1: Ay dios mio. My country is no good. I need, como se dice, American Dream?

Announcer: In a show that can only be described as definitely written by the actors.

Performer 1: [ She begins to sing. ] Adios Venezuela. I’m finally on my way. Bienvenidos, America. And hello, Broadway. Broadway!

Announcer: ‘Time-Out New York’ calls it [ Cut to news headlines. ] “dangerously oversimplified” and “literally helping no one.”

[ Cut to Performer 2 singing. She is sitting with Performer 3 who joins her in song. ]

Performer 2: Border control, birth control, it’s all out of control.

Performer 2 & 3: I need another cup of coffee. [ They kiss. ] [ Cut to Audience member 1 viewing the show, then responding to an interview in the lobby. ]

Audience 1: I guess the worst part of the play was their confidence in it.

[ Cut to the stage where six women are singing. ]

Performer 1, 2, & 4: Me too, me too, and you, and you, and you. It’s happened to all of us, how do you do? Me too, me too, me too.

[ Cut to more headlines about the play. ]

Announcer: “Jesus Christ,” says the New York Times, and “I don’t need to tell you, the cast was all white.”

[ Cut to Audience 2 looking at the program while viewing the play, then he is in the lobby responding to an interview. ]

Audience 2: They wrote in the cast list what makes them diverse and one person said, “Parents divorced.” And, that’s not for me.

[ Cut to Performer 5 rapping on stage, while performer 3 is beat-boxing. ]

Performer 5: Trump blames violence on the fake news media. Rewriting history like we read Wikipedia. War, troops, and hella pollution, what’s next 3D print the Constitution?

[ Cut to Audience 2 walking out on the play. ]

Announcer: Playbill.com writes “I was wondering why one guy had three separate raps and then I realized he was also the director.”

[ Cut to Audience 1 at his interview in the lobby. ]

Audience 1: I’m actually dating a girl in the show.

[ Cut to Performer 4 dressed as a sexy Statue of Liberty. She is singing. ]

Performer 4: I am the Statue of Liberty, and there’s no way you’re getting into me.

[ Cut back to Audience 1 interviewing. ]

Audience 1: Umm, I think this might be it for us.

[ Cut to the cast on stage all singing and smiling. ]

Announcer: You’ll walk away wondering whose parents paid for this?

Performer 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5: Vote with your heart. Vote with a song. Vote with the notes, sing it loud and long. Show me the cast of ballot. Yeah, we could go to the polls. But what if we just sang? What if we just sang? We don’t have to do a thing, but siiiiiiinnnnggggggg. [ Performer 1 & 2 hold the last note in an attempt to sing longer than the other. ] [ Cut to Audience 3 & 4 in the lobby responding to an interview. ]

Audience 3: I think that last song was telling us not to vote.

[ Cut to the title screen for ‘Divided We Stand’ which is the title with a broken heart behind it. The heart is filled in with the USA flag print. ]

Announcer: Now playing at the Mariska Hargitay Theatre. Tickets are $140?!