Don Roy King - Director of Saturday Night Live

Saturday Night Live Transcripts

Fred Armisen

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Jasper the ParrotSummary: After a night out, Phoebe (Rachel Dratch) brings her date (Liam Neeson) home to meet her giant parrot, Jasper (Fred Armisen).

Recurring Characters: Phoebe.

Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: John Ashcroft (Darrell Hammond) comments on his resignation from the Bush cabinet. College student Doug Stradley (Seth Meyers) makes a late comments on the election. Deaf comic Richie B. (Fred Armisen) insults his interpretor, Marcus (Kenan Thompson), by telling black jokes.

Recurring Characters: John Ashcroft, Richie B, Marcus.

Transcript

Rafael Alonzo’s I.T.F. Technical Computer InstituteSummary: Rafael (Fred Armisen) teaches simple computer technology.

Transcript

Mike & Toni’s Chandelier GalaxySummary: Buy a chandlier from Mike (Fred Armisen) and Toni (Rachel Dratch) to add that extra touch of class to your mundane daily activities.

Transcript

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Glossary of Appearances on Saturday Night Live

Saturday Night Live Transcripts

Glossary of Appearances on Saturday Night Live

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Dyan Cannon

(1937-) Actress; Oscar-nominated performance in “Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice” (1969); mother of actress Jennifer Grant, by way of short-lived marriage to film legend Cary Grant.

Host:75t

Sketches:Monologue

Hearing Test: Teacher

The Affair: Wife

Bathwater Of The Stars: Cindy Cleavage

Johnny Angel: Teenager

Steve Carell

(1962-) Comedian; auditioned to join cast of SNL in 1995, beat out by Will Ferrell; married to short-term SNL cast member Nancy Walls since 1995; voiced superhero Gary in the Ambiguously Gay Duo” cartoons on short-lived “Dana Carvey Show”, 1996, and SNL, 1996-2002; correspondent on “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart”, 1999-2001; star of the American version of “The Office” since 2005.

Host:05a

Sketches:Monologue

Jet Blue Flight #292: Larry

Variety Vault: Lucas Lundford

Debbie Downer: Bob Bummer

George Carlin

(1937-) SNL’s first-ever host; performed “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television” routine on 1972 comedy album, Class Clown.

Host:75a ·84e

Sketches:Monologue

Stand-up I

Stand-up II

Stand-up III

Monologue

The Joe Franklin Show: Dan Halloran

Saturday Night News with George Carlin

Ted’s Book of World Records

Jacqueline Carlin

Model; while girlfriend to Chevy Chase, appeared infrequently on SNL in scenes with him; married Chase in 1976, divorced in 1980.

Cameo:75a ·75d

Sketches:New Dad: Mom

Attractive: Girlfriend

Betty Carter

(1930-98) Jazz musician; studied piano at the Detroit Conservatory of Music; nicknamed “Betty Bebop” by Lionel Hampton; didn’t gain public notice until teaming with Ray Charles in 1961; won her first Grammy Award in 1988.

Musical Guest:75p

Dick Cavett

(1936-) Stand-up comedian; former writer/talent coordinator for “The Tonight Show with Jack Parr”; hosted “The Dick Cavett Show, from 1969-75.

Host:75l ·76g

Sketches:Monologue

Dick Cavett School of Auto Refinishing & Upholstery

Dick Cavett School of Hydroplane Operation

Our Town

Dick Cavett Lookalike Contest

Looks at Books: Nebraska Pimp

Chevy Chase

(1943-) SNL’s first breakout star; formerly performed in Ken Shapiro’s Channel One, also worked with John Belushi in Lemmings; met Lorne Michaels while standing in line to see “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”, hired on a writer’s contract but begged to be a performer, also; performed recurring signature pratfall as the show’s cold opening; created long-running Weekend Update segment as a way to say whatever he wanted about the news; left SNL early in the second season, ostensibly so he could move to California to marry girlfriend, Jacqueline Carlin, whom he was divorced from by 1980; came back to host SNL more than any other alumni, until he was banned from hosting duties in 1997 for berating cast members over the years during his return visits; continued to make cameo appearances; films include “Foul Play” (1978), “Caddyshack” (1980), “National Lampoon’s Vacation” (1983), and “Fletch” (1985).

Cast Member:1975-1976 ·76a ·76b ·76c ·76d ·76e ·76f

Host:77k ·79j ·82a ·85b ·86f ·91k ·95b ·96m

Cameo:76g ·76h ·76i ·76u ·76v ·80m ·89o ·96h

97d ·98n ·01b

Sketches:New Dad

Weekend Update with Chevy Chase

The Whhelchair:

The President of the United States: President Gerald R. Ford

Jaws II: Land Shark

Greg Allman’s Love Life

A Message From President Ford

Jaws III: Land Shark

Weekend Update with Chevy Chase

Christmas EVe at the White House: President Gerald R. Ford

The Dead String Quartet: Celloist

Jill Clayburgh

(1944-) Actress; sought acting career as an act of rebellion against her rich roots; first role was in a 1966 student movie directed by then-boyfriend, Brian DePalma; met and fell in love with Al Pacino while a part of Boston’s Charles Street Repertory Theater in the late 1960’s; starred as Betty Grable in biopic “Gable & Lombard” (1976); Oscar-nominated for “An Unmarried Woman” (1978); married playwright David Rabe, 1979.

Host:75o ·77n

Sketches:Monologue

Jill Carson, Guidance Counselor!

Great Moments in Herstory: Isadora Duncan

Sea Cruise

The Restaurant: Woman

Grable & Lombard: Carole Lombard

Jimmy Cliff

(1948-) Musician; helped introduce reggae music to America with his performance in the 1973 Jamaican film “The Harder They Come.”

Musical Guest:75l

George Coe

Former Broadway actor; Oscar-nominated in 1969 for Best Short Subject, Live Action Subjects for “De Düva: The Dove”; hired specifically to play older characters on SNL, until it was decided the younger cast members could equally perform those roles; small film roles included “Kramer vs. Kramer” (1979) and “Micki + Maude” (1984).

Cast Member:75a

Cameo:75c ·75e ·75k ·75n ·75u ·78g

Sketches:The Courtroom: Judge

The Untouchables: Walter Winchell

Epoxy-Dent: Spokesman

Sacha Baron Cohen

(1971-) Comedian; inspired by Peter Sellers; starred in HBO series “Da Ali G Show” as Ali G, Borat, and Brüno; expanded the middle into 2006 feature film, “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.”

Cameo:06d

Sketches:Kazakhstan Ministry of Information: Borat

Harlan Collins

Musician; one of the first pop artists signed to Beatles manager Brian Epstein’s cutting edge label, Nemperor Records; composed and arranged music for the film, “This Is Spinal Tap” (1984); maintains newspaper feature, “Today’s Chuckle”, started by his father in 1948.

Musical Guest:75v

Dane Cook

(1972-) Stand-up comedian; invented the Super Finger (Su-Fi) as an updated way to give someone “the finger”; star of HBO’s “Tourgasm.”

Host:05g ·06a

Sketches:The Long Ride Home: The Jay Feely Story

Wool Sweater: Keith

Target Greatland: Trainee

The Coma: Jerry

Monologue

Homeland Security Refresher

Hugo Chavez Political Roundup: Saddam Hussein

Cubicle Fight: Steve

Water Coolers: Delivery Boy

Closing Time: Deuce

Peter Cook

(1937-95) Comedian; partnered with Dudley Moore on the British stage show, “Beyond the Fringe”, and BBC series “Not Only… But Also”; due also co-starred in comedy film, “Bedazzled” (1967).

Host:75k

Sketches:Monologue: Casting Agent

Lifer Follies: Director

Table Talk

British Sonny & Cher: Cher

Shephard Interview: Shephard

Rita Coolidge

(1945-) Singer; backing vocalist for Joe cocker, Eric Clapton, Leon Russell, Boz Scaggs, others; Russell wrote “Delta Lady” in her honor; married musician Kris Kristofferson in 1973, divorced in 1980; they won the 1974 Grammy Award for Best Country Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal; she recorded cover solo singles throughout the 1970’s; founded Native American music trio, Walela, with sister Priscilla and neice Laura Satterfield in 1997.

Musical Guest:75x

Jane Curtin

(1947-) Performed with comedy group, “The Proposition”, from 1968-72; starred in and co-wrote and the off-Broadway play, “Pretzels”, with Fred Grandy in 1974; married Patrick Lynch prior to joining cast of SNL in 1975, and thus avoided the famous after-party atmosphere; beat out actress Mimi Kennedy for her slot on SNL; replaced Chevy Chase at Weekend Update desk in 1976, which she later co-anchored with Dan Aykroyd from 1977-78, then Bill Murray from 1978-80; co-starred with Susan St. James in “Kate & Allie” from 1984-89, later co-starred with John Lithgow in “3rd Rock From the Sun” from 1996-2001; appointed Ambassador for the US Fund for UNICEF in 1990; cousin of writer/actress Valerie Curtin.

Cast Member:1975-1976 ·1976-1977 ·1977-1978 ·96h

1978-1979 ·1979-1980

Sketches:Black Perspective: herself

Kitchen Dominatrix

SNL Transcripts

Christina Aguilera 06eFred ArmisenAlec Baldwin 06e 06hBeck 06dTony Bennett 06eMary J. Blige 06fKen Davitian 06dCameron Diaz 06iJimmy Fallon 06iWill Ferrell 06cTina Fey 06eWill ForteBill HaderDarrell HammondSteve Martin 06ePaul McCartney 06eSeth MeyersTracy Morgan 06ePharrell 06fAmy PoehlerMaya RudolphAndy SambergMartin Short 06eJason SudeikisTenacious D 06gKenan ThompsonKristen WiigBrian Williams

Author: Don Roy King

SNL Transcripts: Finesse Mitchell

SNL Transcripts: Fred Armisen

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SNL Transcripts: Garrett Morris

SNL Transcripts: Gilbert Gottfried

SNL Transcripts: Gilda Radner

SNL Transcripts: Gail Matthius

SNL Transcripts: Glossary of Appearances on Saturday Night Live

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