Month: October 2018

Air Date:

Hosts:

Musical Guest:





Special Guests:
September 26th, 1999

None

Eurythmics

Beastie Boys with Elvis Costello

Rev. Al Green

Bill Murray

Paul Shaffer

Dan Aykroyd

Laraine Newman

Garrett Morris

Chris Rock

Tom Hanks

Garth Brooks

Jon Lovitz

Sarah Michelle Geller

James van der Beek

Christopher Walken

Victoria Jackson

Paul Simon

Chevy Chase

Martin Short

Steve Martin

David Bowie

Jerry Seinfeld

Molly Shannon

Cheri Oteri

Adam Sandler

Rob Smigel

Jim Downey

Tim Herlihy

Billy Crystal

Mike Myers

Lorne Michaels

Tim Meadows

Kevin Spacey

Jan Hooks

Sting

Steven Tyler

Candice Bergen

Lily Tomlin

David Spade

Will Ferrell

Ana Gasteyer

Dennis Miller

Norm MacDonald

Alec Baldwin

Eurythmics, greatest hits medley

Beastie Boys with Elvis Costello, “Radio, Radio”

Rev. Al Green, greatest hits medley

Nick the Lounge Singer

Nick Thinblood (Bill Murray) opens for Jimmy Joe Red Sky’s (Dan Aykroyd) casino.

Recurring Characters: Nick “Thinblood”, Jimmy Joe Red Sky.

Chris Rock’s Monologue

Rock makes fun of the quality of movies made by SNL performers.

Schmitt’s Gay

(Repeat) See: 09/28/91.

Tom Hanks Audience Q&A

Tom Hanks unintentionally answers questions from the audience.

1995-1999 Highlights

Clips include: Spartan Cheerleaders, Roxbury Guys and The Ladies Man.

Paul Simon

Paul Simon introduces clips of SNL’s musical guest clips from the 70’s.

70’s Musical Guest Highlights

Clips include: Billy Preston, ABBA, The Rolling Stones and Blondie.

The Three Amigos

Steve Martin and Martin Short don’t dress as Three Amigos with Chevy Chase.

1975-1980 Highlights

Clips include: Wolverines, Right To Extreme Stupidity and The French Chef.

John Belushi Tribute

Dan Aykroyd and Laraine Newman introduce “Luck of the Irish” clip.

Seinfeld/Bowie

Next week’s act, Jerry Seinfeld and David Bowie, make awkward banter.

Gilda Radner Tribute

Cheri Oteri and Molly Shannon introduce “Nerds Make Out” clip.

Adam Sandler

Writers Rob Smigel, Jim Downey and Tim Herlihy help Adam Sandler speak.

80’s Musical Guest Highlights

Clips include: Prince, Duran Duran, Don Henley and Aerosmith.

Fernando

Fernando (Bill Crystal) roasts members of SNL’s celebrity audience.

Recurring Characters: Fernando.

1980-1985 Highlights

Clips include: Ebony & Ivory, Ed Grimley, Donny & Marie and Inside Out.

Dr. Evil

Mike Myers insists that Dr. Evil isn’t based on Lorne Michaels.

Mike Myers

Mike Myers recalls being the new guy in an acclamied cast.

1985-1990 Highlights

Clips include: Church Chat, Mr. Subliminal, Pat Stevens and Sweeney Sisters.

Phil Hartman Tribute

1986-1990 cast introduce “Love Is A Dream” clip.

Sting/Steven Tyler

Sting admits to having a decade-long orgasm during the 90’s.

90’s Musical Guest Highlights

Clips include: REM, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Nirvana, Madonna and Beck.

Bergen/Tomlin

Candice Bergen and Lily Tomlin’s sitcom history dates back to hosting in the 70’s.

1990-1995 Highlights

Clips include: Chippendale’s, Richmeister, Wayne’s World and Coffee Talk.

Chris Farley Tribute

David Spade introduces Paul McCartney “Chris Farley Show” clip.

The Culps

Marty (Will Ferrell) and Bobbie Mohan-Culp (Ana Gasteyer) warm up audience.

Recurring Characters: Marty Culp, Bobby Mohan-Culp.

Weekend Update

Chevy Chase and Dennis Miller disagree on who’s the better Update anchor.

Norm MacDonald wonders why he didn’t get an invitation to the anniversary.

Weekend Update Highlights

Clips include: Emily Litella, Point/Counterpoint, Hollywood Minute and Operaman.

Alec Baldwin

Alec Baldwin talks about making fun of boss Lorne Michaels.

TV Funhouse

Lorne Michaels bores audience, hawks merchandise and sings of his greatness.

Meadows/Morris

Tim Meadows and Garrett Morris talk about the black man’s role on SNL.

Cast Photo

Dan Aykroyd organizes the studio audience for an official cast photo.

SNL Transcripts

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 20

99t: Jackie Chan / Kid Rock

Nick Burns: Your Company Computer Guy

Female Employee…..Cheri Oteri
Male Employee #1…..Horatio Sanz
Male Employee #2…..Chris Kattan
Nick Burns…..Jimmy Fallon
Wang…..Jackie Chan

Female Employee: Darnit! My computer froze again! You know, it hasn’t been the same since that virus attacked the system. Did anyone call Nick Burns?

Male Employee #1: Yeah, I called about a half hour ago. He told me to go soak my head.

Male Employee #2: [ shaking head ] I don’t like that guy.

Female Employee: Well I tried to run that Norton program to fix it but it didn’t work.

Nick Burns: That’s because the Norton Utilities can only detect a virus. It can’t repair your hard drive after you’ve downloaded an infected program, Patch Adams!

Theme Song: “Nick Burns, the computer guy. He’ll fix your computer, then he’s going to make fun of you. Cause he’s Nick Burns, the company’s computer guy.”

Nick Burns: Okay, blockheads, I’m getting ready to go on vacation – I’m training the new guy. If you need any help, you can call him this week, alright? [ turns to door ] Come on in here, Wang.

Wang: Hi, everybody!

Nick Burns: Alright, who’s having a problem? [ all three Employees start griping at once ] Alright, one at a time. My brain doesn’t have a zip drive! [ approaches Male Employee #2 ] What’s your problem?

Male Employee #2: Well.. I just.. um.. I can’t.. can’t..

Nick Burns: Talk? What, my screen saver’s about to kick in!

Male Employee #2: I’m doing the quarterly again. And I copied the spreadsheets into this new file. And this stupid computer just screwed up all my columns!

Nick Burns: Oh, it’s the computer that’s stupid, not you, right? [ Male Employee #2 shakes his head ] The computer’s screwed up.

Male Employee #2: Yeah, okay! Alright. I tried to cut and paste it..

Nick Burns: [ laughing ] Cut and paste! [ to Wang ] Didn’t I tell you these guys were stupid? [ to Male Employee #2 ] Go to your default font, and change it to your spreadsheet font.

Male Employee #2: [ confused ] My spreadsheet has a font?

Nick Burns: Move! [ taps keys quickly ] Was that so hard?

Male Employee #2: I didn’t know my spreadsheet had a font..

Nick Burns: Obviously! Hey, you know they’re training monkeys down at the zoo to use computers, maybe I’ll sign you up for a class! [ approaches Male Employee #1 ]

Male Employee #1: Hey, Nick. Hey, Wang. How are things going today?

Nick Burns: About as fast as an LC-475 with a 32-bit processor!

Wang: Yeah, LC-475! [ they laugh ]

Nick Burns: I got to remember that one in the chat rooms. What’s your deal?

Male Employee #1: You know, the craziest thing’s happening..

Nick Burns: What, you stopped thinking about pudding for ten seconds?

Male Employee #1: Come on, I want to open this file! But it says I don’t have enough memory.

Nick Burns: Okay, drag your cursor up to the right side of the menu.

Male Employee #1: [ confused ] Where’s the menu?

Nick Burns: Oh, the last thing I expect you not to be able to find is the menu!

Male Employee #1: [ angry ] Alright, you just show me where it is!

Nick Burns: Move! [ taps keys quickly ] Was that so hard? Wang, go help out the Queen of Tetris over there.

Wang: Okay. [ approaches Female Employee ] What’s your problem, Einstein?

Female Employee: Wang, I’m trying to download an attachment from an e-mail..

Wang: Mmm-hmm..

Female Employee: ..but when I try, it just says that I need a file converter..

Wang: Mmm-hmm..

Female Employee: So, then I tried to save it to Word first, but it won’t let me. So what can I do?

Wang: Move! [ taps keys quickly ]

Female Employee: Did you fix it?

Nick Burns: Yeah, he fixed it. [ to Wang ] I told you these flapjacks are one meg short of a gig. [ a beeper goes off ] Son of a.. is that you? It’s me. It’s you? [ checks beeper ] Oh, it’s those idiots over at the R & D. I guess we gotta make like Microsoft..

Wang: And split! [ they laugh ]

Nick Burns: L-O-L! Let’s go! [ they walk out the door, then turn around ]

Together: Oh by the way, you’re welcome!

SNL Transcripts